Great Truths About Life...

I received this in an e-mail a long time ago and kept it because it's so funny...



Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned:

• No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
• Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
• Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.
• Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
• School lunches stick to the wall.
• You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

Great Truths About Life That Adults Have Learned:

• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
• There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
• If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
• My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
• The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere - and let the air out of their tires.
• Families are like fudge... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground.
• Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Great Truths About Growing Older:

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
• Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
• It is bad to supress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
• God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
• It's frustrating when you finally know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Be blessed today!