More quips & quotes...

(taken from the book "Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes" by Barbara and Allan Pease)

• Men's brains are solution-oriented. Women's brains are process-oriented.


• Women use silence to punish men. But men love silence.


• There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. (Rodney Dangerfield)
  
• A woman's face is a canvas upon which, daily, she paints a portrait of her former self. (Picasso)
  
• Do not read women's magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.


• Most men who inherit large sums or win big amounts of money go broke, suffer worse health, and die earlier.
  
• You know you're retired when you know all the answers but nobody ever asks you the questions.
  
• Men value accomplishments, women value relationships.
  
• Men in high-stress occupations who retire to do nothing, die early.
  
• Studies show the earlier you plan for retirement, the better your health will be and the longer you will live.
  
• You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do and when you sink your teeth into a steak, they stay there.
  

This is an e-mail I received last fall and I thought some of them were pretty truthful. To all you men out there - pay attention. To all you women out there - ENJOY! ;-)

9 statements that women use and what they mean...

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.


4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


5. Loud Sigh: This isn't actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)


6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.


8. Whatever: This is a woman's way of saying "*$?> you!"


9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to #3.

D